---

We only made it about halfway into year 2 before I broke up with her. But I went through quite a bit in that half year.

At work, I stopped going out to lunch. I brought lunch to work. I would eat with one of my best friends, TH, everyday. I felt like this would prevent any issues with SK or any other females.

The times I did go out, I only went with my good guy friend who also worked there, H Dogg. I would even take video of the people I was with, then send it to LC to prove to her that I wasn’t doing any funny business. Every single day.

I would call her every morning on the way to work, during lunch, during work, after work. I did my best to be accessible as close to 24/7 as I could. I had no social life, I lost touch with most of my friends. At the time, LC was everything to me and I was happy to have someone, who I thought, loved me as much as I loved her.

I avoided all company events and functions, to avoid any contact with SK. I wanted nothing to do with her at the time, because it would cause us to fight. It really put a strain on my work relationship with my co-workers and department. I couldn’t tell anyone that I was this way because of my gf at the time. I would make up excuses and say I was busy or anti social or whatever I could think of. I was, and still am, a terrible liar. But I didn’t want to be put in any situation where I remotely had to lie.

I even tried to get transferred out to a different division, in hopes I could avoid her altogether. What LC didn’t realize was, this was very disrespectful for my boss’ reputation. No one had ever left her division, people always wanted to join it. I would end up being the only one who transferred out. I felt guilty but I had no choice, my gf came first.

(This company was also very stressful, they predicated their culture and motivation with fear and negativity. I will cover this company in a later chapter, but I liken it to working in a North Korean coal mine.)

Next Level Trap Questions

My ex wife would frequently ask me trap questions. My ex gf would take it to another level. She would ask super specific questions that basically forced me to answer a certain way, then she would use it against me. It was mind boggling, an example would be an exchange like this:

Her: Ok, I will ask you something, I want you to answer honestly.

Me: Ok…

Her: Would you date [insert name]?

Me. No.

Her: Why not?

Me: [I would list my reasons out]

Her: Ok. WHAT IF, you were both the last people on Earth and if you didn’t, then the human race would end?

Me: Uh……well, I guess in that scenario, yeah.

Her: OMFG #($*%(#$&%$&*$^&*$*(%&$*(&*(&%*(&%$*(%&&%^#@^%&^!!!#@#@ YOU TOTALLY ARE IN LOVE WITH HER YOU LYING PIECE OF SHIT, I KNEW IT

Me: …..(Sigh.)

Needless to say, we would fight afterwards. Later on I would refuse to answer these stupid questions, that would lead her to ignore me and ultimately end up fighting. Even better, she would also use these things in arguments months later, like “WELL YOU SAID YOU WOULD DATE HER THAT ONE TIME”.

😦

Her Strange Family Situation

LC had a very, sort of unbelievable, family situation. She claimed that her dad didn’t know she ever had any boyfriends. She would lie to him and tell him she was in different places. She would have to check in and call him, facetime with him and lie. All the while I was sitting in the other room silently. I often times felt like the mistress. Her dad knew nothing of me, didn’t know I even existed. I wasn’t even sure if that was her dad, to tell you the truth. Throughout our entire relationship, I think I saw two photos of him. Her mom kind of knew me, I talked to her once on the phone. Her sister neither met nor talked to me, but would say some pretty fucked up things about me. Probably because she only heard the crazy shit LC made up about me. I recall once she said I was after their family fortune or something. I honestly had no clue if they were rich or not. All I knew was that her parents were both school teachers. I have no clue how that profession ranks in Asia compared to American teachers.

She would tell me her father was sort of like a Dean at a high school. She would tell me he was a very over-protective father. I could sort of believe it, I guess. Traditional Asian families were a bit different culturally than Americans. They were much more old fashioned than what we are accustomed to. She lived in this strange fear of her father finding out that she was totally lying to him. Maybe it was the thrill of it, perhaps she enjoyed it all. I never did really see his face, the few photos she did send me usually he had sunglasses on or had a hat on. What I did know is that they did spoil her. They would do lots of things for her, like pay her credit card bill, her phone bill, etc. I think they also gave her money as well. I’m not sure.

The other strange part I never understood was, she would call her father by his full Chinese name. I don’t remember hearing her call him “Dad” or “Father” too often.

Insecurity Intensifies

I tried so hard to combat her insecurity. I really did my best to live inside a self-made prison to alleviate any fears or insecurities she had. I did this because I loved her. She was the person I had loved the most in my life up until then. We had ups and downs, like all relationships. I tried to keep my hopes up that someday we would get married and live together. Things would all work out in the long run. I clung to this hope. I liken it to the Tim Tebow phenomenon; you see this great, untapped potential. You think you can be the one to make that potential into a reality, you want to be the special someone who achieves it. What you fail to realize is that it was doomed to fail from the start. (No offense to Tebow, I think he’s a great human being, just not a great NFL QB.)

I once had her meet H Dogg, my good friend who also worked at the same company. I felt, since he worked with me, he could tell her how I was at work. He could also explain to her how stressful and crazy our job environment is. I let them talk almost the entire time. She would ask questions about me, about girls at work. H Dogg told her the truth because really, I had nothing to hide. Later, H Dogg would tell me that she didn’t listen to a word he told her. She kept trying to force him to say something that would validate her beliefs. He told me he didn’t think she was very mature or reasonable. I thanked him for his honesty, he was always very blunt and I appreciate that in him. (H Dogg is a terrible nickname, he hates it and that’s exactly why I call him that. lol)

I had always wanted to find some mutual friends, I thought it would help if we could find someone to alleviate some of her fears about me. It never happened, she wouldn’t really let me meet her friends.

I finally convinced her to come to a work function with me, so she could see for herself what my co-workers were like. She could witness herself how I interacted with co-workers. She agreed.

She would come to one of our normal happy hours at a local dive bar and invite a few friends of hers. We had a fun time, at least I thought, that night. She got to meet a lot of my co-workers and ask them about me and how I was at work. Of course, she was still always skeptical, like I had paid a bunch of actors to be there to feed her bullshit. Finally she met SK, it was as anticlimactic as you could imagine. They said hi, shook hands and that was it. After more than a year of bullshit, fighting and drama, LC met SK. After it was all done, she plainly said to me: “Well, guess I was wrong about her.”

Not a sorry. No, “wow I put you through hell for nothing, let me make it up to you”. Just, an “oh well”. I felt really disappointed. I had done so much and endured so much of her crap and that was my thanks. Fine, as long as we are out of the shit, I didn’t care. I hoped we could finally move past this and progress. Around this time, another Korean girl started at our company. She was younger, also attractive. She became the next problem. We will call her SY.

Some random things that happened:

• She never let me see her work schedules. Lots of FAs let their boyfriends use their logins to check if they wanted. She never did.
• We started using this app called Couple. It was designed for long distance relationships. It was pretty cool, you could share photos, msgs, draw etc. The one feature she always disabled though was GPS location. Couple would constantly report where the other person was, unless you turned it off. She always had this off. I would question why, and she would always give me different excuses.
• She would also rarely send me photos. You would think as a long distance couple, you would send each other photos of anything and everything. I asked her many times to just send me random photos, it lets me know she was thinking of me. Didn’t happen often.
• As I mentioned, she never sent me photos of her “Dad”. Whenever she was home in Taiwan, we wouldn’t videochat. I never saw what her Taiwan home looked like. It was like a black hole when she was “home”. I asked many times about this, and she claimed they didn’t have wifi and the signal sucked there. Hrmm.
• I would always track her flights and send her messages around when she would be out of the airport. Some days she would ignore my texts. One time, she replied to me with someone else’s message on accident. But told me she was too busy to reply. WTF?
• One night, I was about to go to bed. We said our goodnights, she told me she was heading home. We hang up, I turn out the lights and go to bed. Minutes later, my phone rings. It’s her again. I pick up, confused. I hear her talking with a guy in what sounds like a small room. It’s echoing in there. She pocket dialed me. I listen for about 30 seconds, but I can’t make out what they are saying. This is why guys are dumber than girls. I should have kept listening. Instead, I hung up and called her back. She picks up:

Me: “Hey, you just called me. Where are you?”

Her: “Oh, I stopped by my friends place on the way home.”

Me: “What?!? Which friend??”

Her: “Oh this guy from high school.”

Me: “………”

She then gets upset at ME, like I did something wrong. I was unable to comprehend the situation. She hangs up on me, then calls me back all pissy. She would bitch me out about the whole thing. smh.

---

Now, I don’t claim to be the best boyfriend there is, but I think I fulfilled my duties, if not above and beyond. Here were some things I did for her on a regular basis:

• Every time I picked her up from the airport or hotel, I would bring her favorite coffee from Starbucks. Fresh, too. I had the timing down to a science to track her flight, get to the Starbucks near LAX, then make it into Tom Bradley with the coffee still warm.
• Tea and Coffee were important to her, on the days she stayed at my place I would get up early and get coffee for her before I left for work.
• Some days, I would leave work and drive home during lunch break. The drive was about 30 minutes each way, so I would only have time to pick up coffee or some food and deliver it to her, hug and kiss her goodbye then drive back.
• I’d try to take her to places she liked to eat: Boiling Crab, Kbbq, hot pot, etc. I would let her choose what to eat when she was here, even if we ate the same thing three days in a row. I didn’t mind as long as she was happy.
• I would let her sleep as long as she needed, I knew it was tiring for her to fly so long and adjust to the time difference. I once laid in bed next to her, wide awake, for literally eight hours. I was just happy she was here with me at the time.
• I’d send her photos of myself regularly. I would try to draw her things or messages telling her I missed her. I’d wake up early sometimes to talk on the phone depending on her time zone.
• Open the car door for her, almost every time.
• She used a specific brand of makeup remover, she forgot it and was freaking out. I drove around town until I found it, I hit probably five or six different stores that I looked up on Google first.

---

The Final Straw

After enduring a year of SK accusations, she changed her fixation to SY. She began to insinuate that she had guessed wrong, and that SY was the target of my diabolical plots.

I couldn’t handle it anymore. She had her own incidents that came up with ex boyfriends, random guys I didn’t know, multiple phones with different guys in each one. I was being treated like a criminal for things I hadn’t even done.

I told her I felt like I couldn’t make her happy. She looked at me with such disdain and it shouldn’t be this way. We should be happy and proud to be with each other. I always felt like I was the lesser of us. I decided to break up with her around end of June. I felt it was better for both of us. She could find someone she could trust and I could try and find someone who supported me, instead of broke me down.

She was staying at my place when this occurred. At first, she refused to accept the breakup. I was at my wits end. I decided I was tired of trying to make her happy all the time. The next day at work, I started talking to some female co-workers out of spite, SY was one of them. Two co-workers emailed me on my personal e-mail, one girl was trying to get a free Sony Tablet from my vendor and the other was an exchange of songs. They both had boyfriends.

At the time, I just wanted someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy. I felt like I needed some validation I wasn’t the bad guy. This was the first time I really talked to SY.

LC was checking my email accounts on my home PC. She saw the emails and decided that I was lying to her the whole time. She flipped out, called me all kinds of shit, packed up her stuff, and left while I was still at work.

I had pondered calling her, or telling her not to go. But I felt this was the right choice. If she hated me, it would be easier for both of us to move on. If you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty terrible at decision making in terms of relationships. This trend would continue.

Continue Reading – Chapter 8 – Heartbreak