When I was in high school, I wasn’t interested in girls that much. I had a large variety of friends from all walks of life, to give you an idea:
1. Street racing in the 90’s: we did Fast and Furious before that shitty movie came out and ruined street racing for everyone. We did motor swaps, NOS bottles, Acura->Honda, SR20DETs, the works. We did some things that the authorities would frown upon, which I won’t say here.
2. Dungeon and Dragons: I made some of the best friends in my life playing this game that people used to clown and mock. Yet now you look at things like LoTR and GoT and it’s great that people can be hip nerds or whatever.
3. Rave parties: We used to go when it was much more hippie and about the culture of treating each other with positivity. We left once it became marketed and monetized to the club goers that they are now filled with. I went to Coachella when it was just some tents in a field. EDC? Yeah, now its a clusterfuck. People used to be so cool at these things, now it’s like all the dbags from the clubs are here cause hot chicks wearing nothing are here.
Needless to say, I hung out with all kinds of kids and cool people.
I grew up in San Diego in a mostly middle class white area. Our school was comprised of 75% blonde hair, blue eyed white people. 15% were Chaldeans, or Christian Iraqis who for some reason all flocked to San Diego at the time. The rest was a mix of African American, Asian and Hispanics.
I had never had a real girlfriend for most of high school and into college. I just wasn’t equipped with the skills to meet, converse and ask girls out. I was deathly scared and nervous whenever I interacted with cute girls. I wasn’t too popular with women either back then.
From 1997 to about 2001, I ended up going to SDSU, which at the time was the #2 party school in the US. Chico State was #1, how we envied them. I was younger than most of my peers, I graduated high school at the age of 17. I entered college at 18. I was totally irresponsible. I would party, every night. Drink and stay out till early morning, sometimes reporting straight to class after napping in my car because I was too drunk to drive home. I didn’t take college seriously at all. The classes they put me in were so remedial I lost interest quickly. I played video games, I was really good at this PC game called Tribes at the time. Then Counter Strike. I skipped classes, ended up on academic probation, then was kicked out.
Good riddance, I thought at the time. My parents are paying all this money to this shit place that wasn’t teaching me anything nor guaranteeing me a job if I made it through. It seemed like a scam to me.
I ended up moving out with some buddies and working full time instead. We would just work, drink and street race on the weekends. Sometimes hit up the nightlife scene in Pacific Beach and Downtown. Mexico was also popular back then, I have been to Tijuana way too many times. To this day I still hate the taste of tequila.
How we Met
Around 2003, I met my ex-wife on Hot or Not. Yeah, before Tinder and Match.com, there was Hot or Not. I think my avg score was like an 8.5 (AWW YEAH lol). Anyway, I was 23 then, a young, stupid, virgin kid. My ex-wife, who we will call “LK” lived in LA and went to USC. We decided to meet up one weekend after some chats. I drove up, we met, things went ok. I had no clue at the time, women were foreign to me. I had no idea what to do, say or feel.
We would talk on MSN during the week, then on weekends I would drive up and see her. I’d stay at her place near USC. This went on for maybe a month.
Then one night changed our lives forever. She told me she was going out drinking with some douchey friend of hers. I wasn’t happy about this at all. I told her I would drive up to see her that night, it was a Friday. I end up at her place, waiting in my car in the pouring rain for hours. She finally shows up late in the night, completely drunk off her ass. I walk out and take her up to her place. I try to have a conversation with her, but it’s futile. She’s totally trashed, she slips and falls, hits her head on her dresser. It’s dark.
I tried to be a nice guy and I slept on the floor while she slept on the bed. But she was drunk, and pulled me into the bed with her.
The embarassing details: That’s when I lost my virginity. I didn’t last more than maybe 5 seconds, tops. I didn’t even know what to do, she had to direct me. She was a drunk mess. She ended up with a black eye in the morning from her fall. Oh, and we went and met her parents that day. It was the most awkward thing ever, to sit there and try to have them believe she had a black eye from falling….the first time you meet them. I could feel the rage coming from her father’s eyes with suspicion I had done that to her.
She also ended up getting pregnant that night. And thus began our almost 10 year voyage into a crazy ride.
About LK
LK was Korean, from Korea. At the time, she lied to me about her age. She also was not exactly forthcoming with a lot of things. Like the fact she had been married before, and was cheated on. I was naive, I figured, it’s ok we love each other and things will be ok. Wow, what a fucking moron I was.
LK was cute, maybe a typical Korean woman in most senses. 5’5, long black hair, average weight and body. Spoke with an accent, Korean was her primary language. Her english wasn’t that bad, she could have conversations but a lot of slang or cliches would get lost on her. She didn’t have too many friends, a few Korean people who spoke less english than her primarily. At the time, my mindset was desperation. I was getting older, and I didn’t want to be the last of my friends to get laid. It felt like I would never have sex and this was my only shot. I wanted a girlfriend so badly, it didn’t matter who. I thought I had struck a jackpot with LK.
I would later find out LK used to be a party girl. We would go to random restaurants in Koreatown and waiters or other random guys would recognize her from clubs and such. I was naive at the time and didn’t think too much of it. But one night really gave me the first sign I was in for rough times. We went out to a club with her friend. Two other Korean guys later would join us, her friend’s friends. The 5 of us are in a booth at some place, and LK gets drunk. She then takes the two guys onto the dance floor and they make a sandwich of her. I’m pissed off. I end up going outside and sulking on the curb. I wanted to leave, but I was the DD for them that night. Her friend would come out and try to calm me down and explain. I didn’t want to hear it. If I was smarter then, things would have been very different today.
The Start
I moved up to LA not long after, and we stayed in her studio near USC. I helped her with her coursework, and it didn’t really change my view on college. Here I was, an SDSU dropout getting A’s on papers at a private, well known university, in subjects I never really studied. She was working to be a nurse, and was almost done. She had to wrap up that semester, and she would graduate from USC’s nursing program right before it would be shut down.
Once she finished, we moved to her parents place in the Valley. Around this time, we also found out she was pregnant. Her father sat me down, and basically said it would look poorly on him if we moved into his house without being engaged. I buckled under the pressure, I wanted to do the right thing, so I agreed. Pretty romantic, huh? I never got to properly propose to her, it was kind of like “Well, guess we’re engaged”. I felt a strong obligation to own up to my actions and do the right thing. It felt right to me at the time. Of course, my parents were a little shocked at the turn of events, but they didn’t say much to me. Neither did my friends, but it wouldn’t have mattered, I was never one to be affected by peer pressure anyway. I’ve never tried a cigarette in my life and never tried any hardcore drugs. I’ve been offered both many times, but I have no problem saying no and sticking to it.
I started looking for jobs then, the plan was to live with her parents for a few months, save some money, pass her NCLEX then move out. Yeah, that went to shit pretty quick. LK’s parents had never really disciplined her when she was growing up. She was pretty spoiled, their family was pretty rich back in Korea. LK claims her aunt abused her as a child, and it was part of the reason for her disorder. It’s possible, I don’t know. Her brother, who later would turn out to be a great guy, had issues with LK and their parents. Growing up he was always the whipping boy, since he was the older of the two. He was constantly asked to handle his spoiled and volatile little sister. He had a rocky relationship with them all.
Her parents couldn’t handle her volatile personality (and honestly, I couldn’t either but what could I do?). There were nights where we would fight inside their house. She would be shouting and screaming at 2 AM. Threatening to kill herself. I was 23, I was not equipped to handle this. I tried to do the best I could, I would admit I was wrong to calm her down, even if I wasn’t. LK was very spoiled, she expected to be waited on hand and foot by everyone around her. Her parents never scolded her really, they just kind of let her do what she wanted. Her father had went away in the Korean army for most of her childhood, so I think he felt guilt that he missed that and wanted to spoil her.
Eventually, they kicked us out after two months. We found some apartment we couldn’t afford. My dad helped us with rent for that year. My ex-wife never said thanks nor appreciated what my dad did for us then. Her parents would also loan us money, but she kept track of that and later would pay her father back. We never paid my father back. I began working at the local Blockbuster video, it was all I could get quickly.
Money Problems
It was a near minimum job, but the people I worked with for the most part, were pretty cool people. I loved movies, so I didn’t mind it too much in terms of the work. We got to watch free movies every week. I did feel a little out of place there though, most of the other guys were around my age but aspiring actors. They would all gather around and talk about auditions or landing gigs. I would later transfer to another store in Mission Hills to take an assistant manager position for more pay. The store manager at Mission Hills was a shaved head, redneck kind of guy. he would later single me out and discriminate against me. I wanted to quit so bad. I couldn’t though, it was our only source of income. I buried the resentment I had and kept on grinding away. I tried to transfer back to my old store, but they denied me. I felt like they wanted me to quit.
She was pregnant, she failed her first try at the NCLEX. I tried to be supportive to her, many nurses fail on their first try. It’s not an easy test. I encouraged her that she would pass the next time and to not worry. I had to try and carry the load, as a man, that’s what you want to do. But working at a shitty job had it’s limits. Many nights at Blockbuster, I wouldn’t eat. Some days I’d eat nothing but a bag of chips and a soda. I did it for my family, I cared about my wife and child more than myself. I would save what money we had to feed my pregnant wife. I didn’t tell her about this until many years later, I didn’t want her to worry about me. (This is the scene in dramas where you as the audience get to see the sacrifices the man makes, but nobody in the drama does. Well, this was my life, not a drama series. I didn’t do it for sympathy, I did it because I thought it was right.)
A Glimpse of Our Relationship
The next few years would be me getting shit on for some of the most insane reasons you could imagine.
LK was very volatile from the get go. Some days, she would say “You are the best husband ever” and it would make me feel great. 5 minutes later, she would say “I fucking hate you and I will kill you”. Not so great anymore. I can’t put into words what it felt like, the cliche “walking on eggshells” doesn’t do it justice. It was more like navigating a fucking minefield wearing over sized clown shoes on stilts. Everyday was a battle, every day was a new reason to fight. It wore me down after years of this cycle. But each day we fight, she could wake up the next day like nothing happened the day before. No regrets, no remorse, just a new day, clean slate. It was harder for me, since I was the one getting shit on. But I did my best. I thought it was due to the pregnancy and hormones. Again, what a dumb shit I was then.
The worst was trap questions, the ones with no right answer. We would be watching TV, and she would ask me “Do you think that girl is pretty?”. I would usually answer she’s ok or she’s alright. I was telling the truth, I have a kind of eccentric taste in what I find to be attractive. She would freak out and say I was lying. Later I would try to lie and say no. She would freak out and say I was lying. I would try and say yes, she would freak out and call me an asshole. I couldn’t win. Fucking trap questions.
We got married in April of 2004. Our daughter was due in October, she wanted to get married before her stomach got too big for photos. We planned a pretty last minute wedding at a local Chinese restaurant. It was relatively large, approximately 100 people showed up for it I think. My cousin and his wife were starting their wedding photography business, so they helped us out and did the photos for us.
We had no money for the wedding so her parents and my family would pitch in to help us pay for everything. She was adamant about getting a certain carat diamond and ring. We spent around $5k on her ring alone. I didn’t want to but I couldn’t fight her on this. We end up getting a sizable amount of money from the wedding, so I quit Blockbuster and took some time off. I spent my days at home just playing City of Heros with some of my friends. Around July, I started looking for work again. LK had passed her NCLEX and she started looking for jobs too. I eventually got hired at EB Games, Universal City Walk location. They were building this giant flagship store and were staffing up. My boss at the time, a Japanese man in his 40s taught me something I would try to live by. “We choose our own attitude.”
Unfortunately, he would be fired pretty quickly. The next highest Assistant manager was his buddy, he bailed too. Our store was left without a manager for quite a while. I ended up running that store as a key holder for months.They would try and bring in new managers from other places, but they never lasted. That store was different than any other, and only we knew how to handle it because we started there. I learned a lot about life and managing people from that period of time. The biggest thing would be that the people closest to you, are usually the ones who steal from you. It was a reality check, to say the least.
She was getting farther into her pregnancy, and she would be extremely emotional. There were late night food runs, King Taco was her major craving constantly. I would try to appease her as best I could. But she was very difficult to begin with, add in the hormones from pregnancy and she was like a hyperactive volcano. If I forgot something like sauce, she would flip out. I mean like hulk rage. She would berate me and scream at me for things like this. There was hardly a thank you. I figured it was the pregnancy and women have a pass when pregnant. If the order was done wrong, even though I ordered it right, still my fault. “YOU SHOULD HAVE DOUBLE CHECKED!!!!!!#&&@^#&*@^#&*@^#*@”. I just grit my teeth and took it.
My Daughter
October 2004, my daughter would be born. The labor was long, she had to be induced and wasn’t dilating. I stayed by her side for the duration, and later she would get upset that I fell asleep for a period of time. Finally, she went into active labor. My daughter would end up being a bit too large and the doctor had to make cuts. Our daughter came out, I watched the entire birth and it was life changing. It was, and still is the greatest moment of my life. But LK was hemorrhaging and they were having trouble getting it to stop. I recall seeing the doctor have a flash of “Oh shit”, in his eyes. I was afraid. He ordered some shots of something and everything would seem to be ok.
Our volatile relationship was already hard, adding the stress of caring for a newborn was a whole new world of drama.
Around this time, her insecurity started to creep up. At EB, they brought in this female to be store manager. She was not attractive, at all. Short, chubby, terrible skin. I was the Assistant Manager by then, so it was natural she would need to ask me a lot of questions since I knew everything about that place. I recall one time, she left a message on our answering machine. It was a simple “Hey it’s me, please give me a call when you get this” kind of deal. LK flipped her lid. She accused me of liking this woman and went nuts. I was beside myself. I could not understand how she could come to this conclusion.
LK had been married once before. Her husband was a Korean guy from Korea. She would one day find out he used her for a green card to get his wife over to America. He basically moved all their stuff out one day and just vanished. I never got the full details about this, but I did hear there were court hearings and all kinds of things. I never really cared, I think people deserve to be judged by who they are today. Everyone makes mistakes, and sure it may reflect negatively on someone, but that’s not the only thing to consider. I never asked about her past, how many guys she slept with, etc.
I accepted her for who she was at the time. There were some good moments, when she wasn’t freaking out or angry we had some happy times too. She was not a bad person at heart, but she was very selfish. There’s a difference.
mylifeisakoreandrama 